30th May (Sat) ~ supper n kopi session with JH @ Kovan Xin Wang Cafe

31st May (Sun) ~ S came fetched me for dinner, cracked my brain about what i wana eat until finally decided to go Lavender Food Court. Had the famous beef noodles, very bao wor… Sent me to BEDS @ Md Sultan as my ‘idol’ called to jio me go singing. Went over Melody find Mr A before 12, waited for Linda to reach before proceeding to Duxton Hill find Skye as her bf was celebrating his birthday there with his brothers. Got to know Mr B… Instead of Sabai they went FLY instead. Seldom there on a Sunday, was surprised that it wasn’t so pack. Shock shock shock!!! Mr B was staying 2 bus stops away from my place only, and he even know my Buddy D wor, OMG!!!

01st Jun (Mon) ~ Was supposed to meet JH in the noon for lunch before K-ing but i was so tired that i meet him in the evening at Liang Court for dinner before K-ing at Liang Court’s PartyWorld. Together with his friend, A, we had dinner at the hong kong cafe at level one. Started at 8pm, P joined us later… Ended at 12mn, P sent me back. The whole night was sms-ing with B lor…

03rd Jun (Wed) ~ After work took a train to ChinaTown mrt meet Mr A then went over Melody. Mr B was at PowerHouse, keep asking me to go but haix… … Mr A won’t let me go lor… Keep saying finish drinking will sent me back but end up the beer like never ending de leh… In Mr B’s sms he keep addressing me as ‘DEAR’ sia, lotsa sweet talks etc… He’d admitted he’s not a good guy but still asking me to try out, should i or should i not??? But till today, i’m still uncertain of my status therefore i don’t wana made any decisions. Think this is the best way ba…

04th Jun (Thur) ~ Mr A meet me for a smoke after my work before he headed for Melody… So super ‘wu-sim’ wor… KEKE!!!

07th Jun (Sun) ~ JH picked me after work, went to Kovan Xin Wang Cafe for my favourite ‘yuan-yang’ before heading for FireFly as Shinya will be singing. Drinks ordered after 2am half price wor… Since it was a Sunday so it wasn’t crowded at all. We sat right infront of the stage, got Shinya to sing ‘bei pan’ for me, tks… Waited for him to end work at 4.30am to go for supper. Had wanted to have my favourite prata at Thomson but it wasn’t open on Sunday, so sad sia… Left with ‘bah chor mee’ only, no choice liao. JH keep saying i’m rubbish, dustbin cause my life is all about food. Now Shinya know this little secret liao, he also asked me am i full anot, not enough still can order… We chatted there till morning 6plus, each of us had 1 chicken wing each before leaving. It was so tasty but very sinful lor… Naughty Shinya even asked if i wana tabao back anot, faintx…

08th Jun (Mon) ~ Didn’t really sleep much though reached home at 7am still can online till 9m. Took a bus to Tampines, meet JH for lunch at Century Square’s Billy Bombers… As he didn’t drive there and at same time need to wait for call to go collect car on J’s behalf therefore the 2 of us rotted at Tampines 1 after lunching. After walking for some time, tired le so we ended up going Kim Gary Hong Kong Cafe for a drink so that i can have my favourite ‘yuan-yang’ to ease the crave. Yummy yummy, saw people eating a bowl of noodles that looked spicy to me, saliva drooling liao. JH ordered for me, heehee… After collecting J’s car, JH sent me to TCSS. Skye was here with Mr B and friends… They left for Duxton after awhile so i joined JF’s table, ordered martell for me cause he know that i don’t like beer, tks alot wor…

11th Jun (Thur) ~ JH came fetched me affter work, always tempting me with ‘yuan-yang’ to ask me out for kopi session, nonsense lor… Always telling me to go away, scold me nonsense… … He bought me a very delicious egg tart, but don’t wana tell me where he bought it, sianx… Say will only buy once for me every month, where got such thing de??? OMG!!!

12th Jun (Fri) ~ half day shift, close 3 deals… YEAPPIE!!! After work went home happily to rest… But seems like someone was eye-sore lor, fucking bitch… Don’t like people to say things behind my back, why don’t dare say to my face??? Act ah lian huh???

13th Jun (Sat) ~ Meet Skye at Bishan Stadium after work, there’s a bistro by the name of Club July, good for chilling out but recently weather very warm so i don’t really enjoy. Jerry went find us… 3 of us played dice, BIG DEE also… Hmmm, i’m always out of the situation which resulted in that 2 fellows buay tarhan me, haha… After 2 buckets its time to home sweet home…

22 May, Friday meet Mr A at CineLeisure for movie… Watched the 11.05pm show, Night at The Museum 2. Full house so gotta sit at 2nd row from the front, right at the corner. Lame lame lame, funny show, make me laugh laugh laugh… After the show he sent me back, as usual i’ll msn the moment i reached home.

23 May, Saturday meet Mr A at ChinaTown MRT to go Keong Saik for our drinking session. Since he’ll be flying off to Macau on coming Monday so pei him lor since he emo emo emo. Actually i was feeling quite emo too, and since so long didn’t drink so went out with him lor. He had a group of funny friends, but i was still quite emo. When i sang 依附 with him, my mind was full of him him him cause very few people knew this song, and he sang it with me the first time he went pub find me. Was msg-ing with da-lin throughout the whole night cause she’s at FLY for her fang-fang, OMG!!! Had the intention to go find her after pub, but somebody honked me when i was outside going to take cab. Oh, it was my secondary school mate, offered to send me so i happily get into the car, and he sent me home instead of FLY… I found a very cute soft toy in a BMW wor, keke… Was emo and when reached home i know i couldn’t take it anymore so i burst out crying, but does he know? No, i don’t think so… Is it worth? I know it doesn’t, but what else can i do? I really don’t know, and i need to know…

24 May, Sunday again meet Mr A out drinking again. He came fetched me, went over to the pub but this time, relax de cause had abit too much the night before. Drank for awhile, sang afew songs then went to porridge there find his friends. He sent me back after eating… Again msn when i reached home… Recently had been sleeping quite “early” cause too much things on my mind liao. I don’t wana think but those things just kept coming to my mind… I also wana have the habit of sleeping early like what i used to do few weeks back but mind don’t wana sleep, keep running around until i very tired… Haix…

25 May, Monday meet JH for dinner cause he owe me a treat lor… Had wanted to bring me to my favourite frog leg porridge at Dunman Food Centre but i’m afraid that Mon will be closed so went over to East Coast Food Centre instead. It’s been years since i went there… He ordered gon-gon, satay, stingray and a plate of vege, we finished it… But i think i still prefer AG’s gon-gon at Newton ba… Chatted awhile after eating then we went over Dunman to give it a try cause wana tabao for my da-lin mah, also her favourite frog leg as the boss is our friend. She was so happy to see the frog leg that we tabao for her, bring until her house downstair leh, special delivery lor… Oh, Mr A sms me when he reached Macau…

28 May, Thursday went for 2 interviews, 1 at AMK while the other at Orchard. Overall, i still find myself full of confidence when applying for sales position. Maybe this is my field ba… I’m being employed by a spa at Orchard as Sales Consultant, paying me at quite a good rate for a start, shall give it a try as it’ll be a total new environment for me. Hmmmm, didn’t went out on Tue and Wed, Mr A called and smsed me whenever he free,还算蛮有心吧… After my interview at Orchard, i went back AMK meet da-lin for dinner before she went for her Yoga lesson. Shopped awhile at AMK Hub, went over for KFC, gossip while eating… Since J still having his meeting so i went home waited for him to come over fetched me, going Boat Quay for a drink as he had asked me out quite alot of times but i always rejected him. He had 2 funny colleagues, the 3 jokers made me laughed till i forgotten tat i was emo… 4 of us played dice but basically throughout the whole game, me and B were extras, we just had to shake the dice and open can liao cause it’ll never be our turn, J wana sabo K so even not K’s turn to drink J will made him drink. HAHAHA!!! Mr A called and i chatted awhile with him… After finishing that bottle, we went over chinatown for porridge and i had my favourite 鱼生 again, B also a lover for that. After makan, J sent me back… It was a fun night with them, so i didn’t 顾型像, just kept on laughing all the way, 真失态 lor, haha…

19th May, Tue suddenly had the mood to drink… Mood as in moody or good mood??? I don’t know… Da came over my place while i prepared myself, took a direct bus to Clarke Quay and of cox, 老公’s pub was our drinking place. The place where i used to work, celebrated my bday, emo or happy all happened there… ZNB came with V and 1 more friend, he seems to have 偏见 with me lor, likes to 抬杠 with me lor… Long long see one time must like that meh??? Naughty him… Was the smile on my face real or fake??? I really don’t know, i seemed to have lost my sweetest smile since the day i came back, almost 2mths le… AG came with XZ, was surprised to see him there but XZ was even more surprised why his 2 wives went down that night… Drink and sang till 3am, AG sent me and Da to Sabai, find our 小老公. Erm, was spotted by J who was there with someone who used to piggyback me from FLY to Vivo carpark. J jio me play 5 10, i was reluctant at first cox i don’t feel like drinking much, but J said, i lose Da drink, but ghost also know i wont let her drink de lor… 1st round i won, J drank half, then 2nd round i also won so J don’t want  play liao, he get the guy who piggyback me to play, i won also… Then they went home le, no fun de… Then i saw my old neighbourhood friend, D. It was when almost got fight i saw him, both sides are my friends lor… Knew him 15yrs back, used to hang at playground, Sgoon Garden billiard, AMK central and if i’m not wrong think we used to cheong tea dance together also. Now adays Sabai open lights very early, 4.30am lor, sianx sianx sianx…

I specially use ‘red’ to stress on what i wana tell tat stalker who loves stalking on me… Since she got so much free time to stalk me, i shall let her know what i’v been doing…

Basically, i’ve forgotten what i’ve been doing after my last blog, but i do rememebr clearly that either i always stayed home or short trip out, no drinking, no clubs… But on 16th May, Sat, i went Tampines 1 with Da… Had wanted to have dinner at ManPaKu but the queue was super long. Saw my fav cheese cake, mango cheese wor, but the queue was long too. Endup we went over Century Sq food court, so sad sia… As i don’t feel like drinking so thought of asking Yuan and group out, its been some time since i la-kopi with them le… Supposed to meet him 10.30pm at Hg Mall but i’m still at Tampines pasam malam when it was already 10.15pm so he suggested coming over fetch me instead. KEKE!!! After my super full dinner, at pasam malam i bought tutu to ease the itch on my mouth. When walking pass Mac, the ice-cream looked so yummy wor, so bought hot fudge to share with Da… After picking us, went over fetch T followed by J then to my fav prata stall, The Crispy Prata @ Thomson… Hmmm, mutton soup, my all time fav lor… Recommend mushroom cheese with egg prata to T, ownself never eat like 对不起自己 lor, so ordered 1 to share with J, hehe… Recently, i just love stuffing myself with lotsa food… 暴食症 leh, OMG!!! After eating, went back Hg fetched a pair of twin bros then headed for Dam… At petrol kiosk i bought my fav CHIPSTER, again eat eat eat… Yuan and group was stunned by my sudden BIG BIG appetite… Then a long time friend, O whom i’ve known for 13yrs smsed me, he came down with another 2 friends, Integra Type R wor… It’s been ages since i took teong chis again, i so missed the feeling sia…

17th May, Sunday was so tired cause its been quite some time since i was out till morning… E came fetched me at 7plus with R then went over AMK Hub for dinner and movie, together with Da… After all the psychos and stalkers talks at Dam the night before, watched a psychotic show, HORSEMEN… After movie, went Upp Sgoon for kopi session, i had prata again. Wanted to try the mushroom cheese prata, but, no more cheese le so had onion and egg prata instead.

Used to feel very excited and 期待 whenever i know i can see him but today i was not… Shall skipped this part ba, though i never blogged out but what happened will always be part of my memory… Having possession of things that makes us unhappy, why not just let go and store in our memories!!!

05 May, Tue went CPF board at Bishan to settle some stuffs followed by meeting my da-lin at mrt station to go Bugis pray pray. Sun so BIG sia, wana melt le… Had the most sinful lunch at our fav wanton mee shop but of cox the sinful food is not wanton mee, but ‘zhu-jiao’… Hmmmm, not so tasty, eat le not shiok lor… Did some shopping while waiting for friend to pick us up to go Yishun Safra PartyWorld. After singing he sent us back, da-lin stayed over at my place.

06 May, Wed woke up at 8am to prepare myself as i’ll be going to the doctor. Da-lin waited for me and she even bought me ‘ren sheng dun ji tang’ ingredients to go home cook. Erm, our first attempt to prepare this, quite successful lor… I realised i have the talent for cooking for lazy lah… Keke… Shall arrange another day to prepare other ‘dun-tang’, wana prepare myself to be a ‘xian qi liang mu’ lor since i already so ‘zhai’ liao. Went Hougang Mall for dinner, bought some tibits before heading home.

07 May, Thur rested the whole day at home to store energy for tonight’s FLYing session. JH’s friend birthday. Just as expected, god-father was there, even saw a gf, K also… DK went with colleagues knowing that i’ll be there cox we just sms’ed with each other in the afternoon. Quite some time didn’t meet up with him le, was glad that he made the effort to go there find me. Think due to too ‘zhai’ recently liao, was feeling tired after a few drinks but stayed till 5am to wait for fang-fang finish work. Went over to railway station for hot drink. The birthday boy was so lame, full of craps, drunk le… JH and fang-fang kept apologising for birthday boy’s nonsense… It was a long journey home cox gotta sent da-lin back to woodlands, fang fang back home then back to Hougang. But ke-lian JH, he stayed tampines wor… Though tired but once in awhile go out also good, if not sooner or later think i’ll suffer from depression. HAHA!!!

Finally get to see my dear Buddy liao… Went Conspiracy then followed by Sabai… S was there cause Buddy and S had a ‘date’… Erm, saw quite alot of friends there, should i say i got too many friends liao or because i’m popular at night spots??? Well, this is the life of a clubber ba… Will i still be able to club with Buddy in the near future??? Will i still be able to street fighter with Buddy??? Though its dangerous but i like the excitement sia… I ever told Buddy in a joking way that whenever go out with him must wear slippers de, cannot wear heels cause wear heels cannot run but that day i think i wore heels wor… At the end of the day, im so exhausted… OMG!!! Slept the whole day the very next day to replenish the energy that i’ve lost the night before… Keke… One day Buddy, forever will be Buddy!!!

All the latest pics are uploaded in my 2nd acc..

sha66dow_koh@yahoo.com.sg

Thanks for ur luv, care and concern all these years.. I noe u’re always here for me when i needed someone but everything’s kinda late.. We can only remain like what we are now, no matter what happen i noe i can rely on you, i noe u’ll always be my Guardian Angel.. You should noe who i’m referring to.. Nobody is dispensable in this world.. What is perfect?? Nobody or anything is perfect in this world.. Luv me for who and what i am, dun luv me to change me.. Which i noe nobody understand me more than u do, i’m more stubborn than anybody think, that’s why nothing can change my mind.. From my messages, u can tell whether i’m happy or unhappy, tks for making this effort to understand me so well.. I do treasure this friendship of ours, hope we’ll always remain like this.. Once again, tks alot my dear guardian angel..

Ｗｏｗ！！！Ｉ　ｒｅａｌｉｓｅｄ　ｉｔｓ　ｂｅｅｎ　ａｇｅｓ　ｔｈａｔ　ｉ　ｂｌｏｇｇｅｄ．．．Ｄｕｎ　ｗｏｒｉｅ，ｉ＇ｍ　ｓｔｉｌｌ　ｐｅｒｆｅｃｔｌｙ　ｆｉｎｅ　ｉｎ　ｏｎｅ　ｗｈｏｌｅ　ｐｉｅｃｅ，ａｓ　ｉ＇ｍ　ｓｕｆｆｅｒｉｎｇ　ｆｒｏｍ　ＳＴＭＬ，ｉ　ｃａｎ＇ｔ　ｒｅｃａｌｌ　ｗｈａｔ　ｉ＇ｄ　ｄｏｎｅ　ｆｏｒ　ｔｈｅ　ｐａｓｔ　ｆｅｗ　ｍｏｎｔｈｓ．．．Ｏｎｌｙ　ｒｅｍｅｍｂｅｒｅｄ　ｔｈａｔ　ｉ　ｄｉｄ　ｅｎｊｏｙ　ｍｙｓｅｌｆ　ａｌｏｔ．．．Ｒｅａｄｉｎｇ　ｂａｃｋ　ｍｙ　ｐａｓｔ　ｂｌｏｇｓ，ｉ　ｒｅａｌｉｓｅｄ　ｉ　ｈａｄ　ａｌｏｔ　ｏｆ　ｓｏ－ｃａｌｌｅｄ　ａｌｐｈａｂｅｔｓ　ｇｕｙｓ，ｓｏｍｅ　ｏｆ　ｔｈｅｍ　ｉ　ｄｕｎ　ｅｖｅｎ　ｒｅｍｅｍｂｅｒ　ｗｈｏ　ａｒｅ　ｔｈｅｙ　ｌｉａｏ，ｏｐｐｓ．．．Ｔｈｉｓ　ｉｓ　ｎｏｔ　ｂｏ－ｓｉｍ，ｉｓ　ｄｕｅ　ｔｏ　ｍｙ　ｍｅｍｏｒｙ，ｐａｉｓｅｈ　ｈｏｒ．．．

Words are cheap… Promises are meant to be broken… Today you’re here for me, the next moment you left me… Sometimes i don’t know what i want, but i know as long as just 1 word from him and i’m ready to let go of everything i have now, but he never  gave me the chance to prove that i can do it… He don’t like me to club, party and drink… He know i have many guys around me, he know i have cars fetching me around… Is these all my fault??? When i’m ready to give him an answer, he told me to give him 3 days instead, so now who’s the 1 who can’t live without partying and drinking??? You or me??? Me saying let go first, i know i’ll regret this decision which i do now, cause i know i won’t be able to take it if 3 days later he’s the 1 saying wana let go… Who knows, it might not be as bad as i think but i can’t think of any other better solution… I made myself drunk, i saw him at FLY, i was really very drunk… Friday and Sunday i was drunk, cause i saw him… I wanted to see him so much but upon seeing him i avoided eye contact with him… Everyday i was hoping for his sms or call but i know its very impossible, does miracle exist??? Besides being emo, what else can i do when days are without him… He sms me, asking me to add him in msn, i thought he’s at Boat Quay, but he’s at Beds therefore i rushed down. He saw me happily with my friends, but am i really happy, i’m not, and not at all but he misunderstood… Saying i’m there for my friends, why can’t he understand me more, why does he always thought the other way??? I was injured, where’s he when i needed him most??? 3 stitches on my left cheek bone… This is not as pain as how he hurt me, i never shed a single tear at all when was at hospital for treatment but the thought of him, i cried… He did care, for first 2 days and chat in msn. Said will bring me for dinner if i can wait for him to finish work but he didn’t, never hear from him after that day… Stupid me, foolish me, silly me… Why did i let him melt iceberg? Why did i let him walk into my life? Why did i let him hurt me? The one infront of me i don’t know how to treasure, intead kept clinging to the past, when can i let go, let go of him?