Moon has found Shadow after 2yrs… But everything has changed… Wana thanks Moon that he still remember Shadow,and those times when we were together. Actually i’m the one who ‘accidentally’ view his bro’s blog,and surprisingly that his bro remember me wor…

29 Aug (Wed)… … Till today i’m still angry with da ke-ai,waiting for him to think of a way to please this little princess… My dear xiao mei mei tabao food for me,her mum cook dinner for her so there’s my share too,so happy… I had such a big bowl of porridge followed my a cup noodles then share a bowl of kembing soup with xiao mei,i ate alot within 3hrs. HAHA!!! Trying to put on weight,my ideal weight is 42kg but i’m only 36.8kg now. OMG!!! Can someone help me put on weight? Since 6plus i’m already at Violette,singing and drinking,so bored… Suddenly received a sms from Linda asking me if i still contact him,i knew something’s not right liao… She didn’t hide from me too,after knowing what happen,it somehow did affect my mood a little. Shall not carry on le,the more i talk about him,there’ll be more people feeling disappointed in me. My life should move on,i keep my promise that after my birthday it’ll be a brand new me,i’m slowly reaching my aim liao… HAPPY wor!!! After closing,we went for curry rice at Hougang 6th mile,after that FLY…!!! First time in my life that i’m in t-shirt,shorts and slippers to FLY,super lok lor… As soon as i reached there,someone say me go kopitiam de,so angry… It was quite packed,had afew drinks go home le,i’m not used to dancing in slippers,felt so weird lor… Infact these few days da ke ai has been popping me with questions,i know what i want but i’m really afraid that i might hurt him,HOW???

24 Aug (Fri)… … Went to PeiYu’s house,waited for a new friend,J,picking us to DragonFly. Didn’t know what car he’s driving,when i told him not to come into carpark because of a funny hump,he say he’s driving a lorry…??? HaHa,i know he’s joking. I asked for colour of car when he reached,but the moment when i was downstairs,i only saw a citycab… I thought he’s a taxi driver… But it turned out to be EVO wor… The 3 of us went to Fly,his friends at Movida as Fly "full house". When he’s leaving,i get him to send me to Carpenter St as K and J was there. I was already quite high the moment i reached there. Wanted to go back Fly,but J was in sandals lor… Feeling so terrible,vomitted then K sent me home. Think he was high also,we were still messaging with each other when we were home but the next morning he asked if he got return me my hp not…??? I was so blur that i took a pic with a guy without knowing his name… When i looked at my sent items,OH GOSH!!! I sent YC alot of messages lor,what the fuck man…!!!
25 Aug (Sat)… … Super hangover,head wana explode le… Rot at home till confirm with bestie that we’ll be clubbing tonight,had to disappoint my ‘da ke-ai’ as we’ll be going movie. Waited for K-A to fetch me,was a damn boring night at Fly… As i was still having hangover,felt so disgusted when i saw liquor. V and me was taking turns to yawn,tired de lor… We had to agree that no clubbings on Sat if we had already club the day before. Went over to PowerHouse,lagi sianx lor… Took a few pics with friends and birthday gal then back to Fly again. V and me left around 1plus,yawning like hell in the cab… *yawnx*
26 Aug (Sun)… … Had a good rest,get everything done at home before i prepared myself but,AIYA!!! ‘da ke-ai’ not free wor… Haix,gotta rot rot rot at home le. Suddenly got the urge to have steamboat,YUM YUM!!! PeiYu came over,my uncle friend,X,came over fetched us. Had our steamboat at Bugis,chicken and ma-la soup,my favourite sia… A lousy cook like me ended up being the one serving the 2 of them,HaHa!!! Unexpected right,maybe wanted to vent frustrations ba… Had a few rounds of pool before heading home… Must be too long never play le,my aiming totally sucks.  Think gotta brush up my skills again when got the time liao…  Was chatting with  XL before  da ke-ai  called. Was angry with him for not bringing me out,pang seh lor,so naughty…  "AIYOH.. I’ll NEVER LET YOU GO.. THIS I PROMISE.." Does this sentence looks familiar to you,da ke-ai??? Infact i keep asking myself,how do i feel when you or other guys sweet talk to me,but until now i still can’t get an answer. I’m still very confuse,hope you’ll understand… Another guy whom i considered him as a good friend,suddenly snooked me with "bu zhi dao wo men neng bu neng zai yi qi"…??? All along i thought he care for me as a friend cause we actually knew each other quite long ago,just that recently started to contact nia,and he’s 3yrs younger than me,OH!!! I’m really not in the state to talk about BGR problems now,i’m being hurt that’s why i don’t wana hurt anyone. Really gotta thanks those who stood by me all this while,giving me encouragements and giving me those love that i need,hope more time will be given to me…

His mum called me at 8plus yesterday… Was surprised,was struggling,whether should i answer the call anot. I picked up… When auntie asked why didn’t see me for quite some time,all i can tell her was i’m busy working and she told me to go up whenever i’m free. Besides saying ‘ok’,what else can i say??? Auntie was so caring,she even asked where am i and told me to go home early. I knew he’s still not back yet when auntie called… This morning i told E about mum calling me,she said mum missed me,even she also asked me to go visit her when i’m free. To go up there again,my heart will weigh a thousand tons… I missed that house,i missed his family,especially that room which i always gotta nag at him to make him keep it neat and clean but always ended up i’m the one doing it… 3 months ago i’m the one who told his mum that we’re not together anymore,but she still see me at house therefore i think all along she thought we’re together again,but she never knew that he’s already brought BITCH home when she’s at work. Uncle always reached home from work around 1plus 2am,he must have thought that the gal in the room is me… The thoughts of everything made me cried the whole night again,i cried till my eyes were in pain,previous injury caused my eyes to be in pain… If this were to carry on,will i go blind? During the last checkup for my eye injury,doctor already advised that i should take good care of it,but 3 months ago i seemed to be crying everyday therefore is getting more pain… Took out those letters that my dearest brother had written to me,indeed those letters did cheered me up,then my da ke-ai called to chat with me,he’s really very ke-ai and i love chatting to him,always bully by me lor… HAHA!!! zhen de xie-xie ni,da ke-ai… you ni de ri zi wo hao kai xin…

22/08/2007 Wednesday

Wana thanks my dearest bro,William and loving sis,Da-Lin… I know you care,i know you’re worried. So sorry to cause so much unhappiness but am really glad that bro finally spoke to me le. Had dinner at Ang Mo Kio S11 with them then ‘gui-dan’ came,he’s a joker. He sent me to Violette as my dear xiao mei-mei,PeiYu is working. Became free labour for the night,sing and drink with my drinking kaki,Kelvin Tan. Closed at 1am,wanted to go St.James but let them off for the night cause J and K complained that they just went on Tuesday. But funny,i’m in shorts and t-shirt yet i’m so hyper on going… Ended up going for porridge with K and PeiYu,reached home at 2am,chatted with J but seems that my phone dun like him lor,keep auto hang up,then K called and reminded me of him expressing himself to me 3yrs ago outside ICE PUB… I was ?????? Then another call followed by K,chatted awhile. I knew i can’t sleep,lots of things on my mind,i wanted to throw them all out but how? Ah Boon was right about me,what i’m doing now was not things i wanted,he encouraged me alot these few days with his messages,but as for the question he asked me,it’s definitely a ‘NO’… I’m calling someone BITCH,i won’t be call BITCH by others… Do you guys think its a good idea for me fling? With all those love,care and concern i’m having now,i find that i’m really very fortunate… Therefore,for the sake of those who loves me,i shall slowly get out. But i miss his family alot,especially the 2 chubby and cute sons of his sis… … Long ago i’ve already regarded his family as mine le,feelings are there,ze me ban ne??? And i wana add that he really mistaken the Mr T that i’ve mentioned for my brother,Tony wor… Haix… Received from my bro,he still got 8 more months to go before i can see him and play with him again. The letter that i’ve been longing for finally arrive le,the contents was sad+sad,its a double attack for me…

20/08/2007 Monday

The whole of today i was not that blur,managed to find smiles on my face. At 8plus while i’m still online he sms me asking where i wana celebrate my birthday,i asked for a present instead. He said wana get me something i like,he know what i like meh? Instead i asked if he could company me,he replied by saying i sure have many friends surrounding me on that day and i won’t need him. I told him i only intend to have Vivien and few good friends by my side on Friday night,as for Saturday i hope to have a simple dinner and movie with him,that’s all i ask for. Although i hope to receive present from him as well so that i can keep as memory but i know i cannot be too greedy. Was home at 9pm wanting to prepare to sleep early but tears suddenly flood my eyes,the tears was for William and BigHead,my loving brother and dearing good friend. They stopped talking to me when my nonsense getting worse,i know they wanted me to realise that its time i stop but i really don’t know how. Then i heard that BITCH had been to his house le,as for the rest don’t need me to elaborate anymore liao. A wound was stabbed once again… A friend whom quite long didn’t contact happen to sms me,came to fetch me out,let me cry my heart out and even lend me his shoulder. The moment he lent me his hand to grab,was quite reluctant at first then realised that being grabbed hold tightly of really can calm me down alot. Thanks alot to this friend,but he’s attached maybe this is the last i’m going to see him. When i’m home at 2am,he called at 3.30am after sending BITCH home. Chatted awhile,she called and he knew i was still holding on to the line but they were still chatting away happily. I sms him but he didn’t even bother to reply,out of moment of folly,i sms her. She complained so he gotta sweet talk her,endup we quarrelled. He blamed me for spoiling their friendship… My query was,can friends his so-called friends have sex??? Then he told me something about this was temp only,when i said that no matter how busy he was he still fork out time for me but not now. What’s he up to? When i asked him if friends can have sex then that doesn’t make BITCH a ‘lok-kuay’? He keep quiet… I cried throughout the night,i was so lost,i didn’t know what to do…… I took the remaining of my sleeping pills…………………………

17/08/2007 Friday

Yesterday was my first day at Violette,quite free and was drinking away with K. My glass cannot be full,he’ll nag but my glass cannot be kept away too,he’ll get me another… Supposed to meet Gary for dinner but his time all went wrong,he reached my place at 7pm and by the time we got to Clarke Quay was already 7.45pm le,because of the jam on CTE,haix… As i was still waiting for YJ’s answer if she’s going Fly,decided to get V to meet me but as soon as i reached Vivo,YJ told me she’s on her way to Fly le. OMG!!! Had to rush V to faster but he ended up asking me where got people party so early de,if i myself wanted to party early just say so… My blood boils,nobody ever dare to say me in such way. The very first thing i did was to delete his name from my phonebook,he’s a nuisance… Waited at Vivo for K to come fetch me to Fly. Funny guy asked me why don’t i walked over myself wor… How can he made a princess walk so far??? At Fly,YJ wanted to ’same rules apply’ with me,this gal was so cute lor,even my bestie V don’t even dare to ’same rules apply’ with me lor… Had a great time there,left for OG around 1plus. After afew rounds we headed for Marina South,and i was in my bro’s car and we kana normal police road block. Stupid police gave a "WAH" when he saw the back without seats,i wanted to laugh but cannot lor… Were playing among themselves when another came to play friendly,played until police really came then i jumped into my bro’s car and he sent me home. Was quite shagged le,as soon as my head touches the pillow i fell asleep but woke up suddenly with a bad dream. Recently i kept having dreams with him and BITCH,so scary lor…

18/08/2007 Saturday

Woke up quite early,to give him morning call… Called for almost an hour then he picked up,and he gave me a shock by speaking to me in english. I knew he thought it was the BITCH who woke him up but never expect to be me cause it had been quite some time since i gave him morning call le. So boring for the day,took a short nap before preparing myself for dinner tonight. Stupid fool me to quarrel with him again over the BITCH,already knew that he had kana ‘love poison’ le but still choose to argue with him. I was absolutely right that he was protecting her like hell,she can blog so why can’t i??? Funny lor… He’s always so unfair to me,which i’m already used to it le that’s why i’ve decided to slowly let go and climb out of the hole which i never dare to try. Reached home at 2plus,was considered early on a Saturday for me.

19/08/2007 Sunday

Rotted at home the whole day till my bestie ViVien asked me out for a drink with her and friends at Serangoon Garden. The first time in my life wearing shorts and t-shirt to a pub,and with super light makeup too. Watched soccer,so disappointed that Man U lost lor. I only drank 2 glasses,good gal hor??? Was home before 12,trying to sleep but no matter how i tossed i still couldn’t get to sleep. Iszit because after 12mn is the 20th le,the day i hated most in the month. I’m quite blur at times but on this day,i’ll suddenly become more blur. Until this funny guy called me and we chatted from 2plus till 4.15am. This powerful guy seems to be using MIO’s broadband,he got such wonderful anthena that he knew alot of things among those cars around me. He kept keeping me in suspense… He knew i took red EG6 at OG,he knew 9703’s previous owner,he knew the BITCH’s ex-bf,he knew about white ranger too and lastly he knew the existence of purple civic though Mr T always keep a low profile… WHOA!!! He very powerful wor… At 4.46am,i received his good night sms,took a glance and closed my eyes to sleep… …

20/08/2007 Monday

I thought i’ll be very blur today but i was not… After fighting this war for 3 months,i know i’m being seriously defeated,i was hurt very deeply. Besides giving up,that’s nothing more i can do le. Since 3 months ago,i knew very clearly that i’m already being replaced by BITCH. She’s the one doing everything with him,not me anymore… Meeting each other everyday and doing everything together yet he still can say that she’s not fit to be his gf? Feelings will grow what,its either he’s deceiving himself or he’s trying to deceive me… Whatever it is,with the care and concern that friends are giving me,enough le…
This message is for U: I’m glad to have you always so willing to fetch me to OG but i really hope you can understand that at this point i’m really still not ready to start a relationship yet. I don’t wana get hurt,i don’t wana hurt anybody too… He’s already so unfair to me le,i know i’m being selfish but that’s the only way i can slowly get out of it myself. It’s hard to find someone sharing equal love for each other,it’s even harder to find someone who love me more than i love him,so that’s why i’m enjoying the process of being doted on right now. I may have lots of guys around me but that’s not what i want,FRIENDS are people i needed right now. If i were to fall in love now,that person will only be his substitute,this is one thing i’m very sure. I’m slowly walking out le,time is all i need… You can be a great friend,therefore i hope you’ll give me your support to help me walk out and not things on when i want start a relationship…

13/08/2007 Monday

He had wanted to meet me,but after reading BITCH’s blog i didn’t replied any of his sms at all. When i was home changing,i couldn’t take it anymore,i told him to meet his ‘gf’ instead. He was full of question marks so i told him what’s going on. We argued over BITCH again,what the fuck…??? He kept assuring that they were just friends,those were just her words. Its not that i wanted to belief him,but i had a feeling that BITCH purposely did this to provoke me. Finally i got the answer i’d always wanted… All because of his buddies’ mouths,they kept asking him why still bring me out since we’d already broke off. I know which are 2 FUCKERS who said that,they themselves are BASTARDS,his friends came first so got no choice but to treat me in this way. From day 1 when we were together,i knew this FUCKING B already not happy with me le,since he’s so good at acting,me too… Many friends warned me about this FUCKING B,my instinct tell me that our breakup (2 times) got something to do with him and his C.B mouth…  Had wanted to get Mr T bring me go play game vent my frustrations but he not free,haix… As L (Leonard) will be going drinking with his friends so i meet him at Maxwell Market,went over to Keong Siak Rd but find there boring so went back to Duxton Hill. Stupid L played blackjack with his friend using peanuts as stake,of course he’s the joker of the night,mouth stuffed with lots of peanuts as he was the loser. K will be meeting yc’s cousin for their drink ing session at ‘God-Father’ (nightclub),i went over find them when the pub ended at 1am. The happier i am with lots of smiles on my face,infact the more heart-broken i am feeling inside. But as not to spoil everybody’s mood,my unhappiness was kept inside my heart,deep down inside i’m crying… … Surprisingly he came at 2plus with teck-ko. I left awhile later… The rest of what had happened will be kept in my memory,the facts could not be changed no matter how much i say…

14/08/2007 Tuesday

Had dinner with a guy at Suntec City’s Fish & Co… This guy confirm not my type,we don’t click at all. We don’t share the same interests and topics,of course our likes are different too… Words coming out from his mouth almost make me fainted,i can only use the word ‘childish’ to describe. He’s a good boy,whereas i’m a bad gal…. After the dinner i went to Violette,as it was PeiYu’s first day there so went over to take a look at how she’s doing and at the same time got someone to drink with me too. Stayed till 12plus,Gary went fetched me and we went to Yishun Dam. He was there to ‘punch card’ with his friends,i purposely get G to park just a vehicle ahead infront of them,i sms him. They left but he came back to find me after sending his friend back,i was shocked when he asked if he could came back so i say ok. What he want i also don’t know,is he afraid i’ll stay too long with G there,he wana kpo c what we talking about or… …??? Then i heard him calling R,and he came. As G gotta meet his friend so asked him sent me home,therefore the 3 of us stopped at Jln Kayu to eat before sending me back. What do i want,i keep asking myself but until today i still don’t have a definite answer,3 months le but i’m still walking in circle,keep going back to the starting point. I’m still searching for the ending point,but where is it,can somebody tell me???

13/08/2007 Monday

I almost fainted when i read BITCH’s blog. Tears rolled down,i was so heart-broken… Why iszit that until today he still wana lie? The past 2 weeks when we seldom contact,he was with her and he’s no longer my ‘piggy’,he’s someone else ‘dino’ le… They did alot of things together,went alot of places together,and just the 2 of them… Places they went were places i brought him to when we were together. Places they had dinner and slack were cafes and cafes. When i had wanted to go those places,he’ll asked me to help him save money,why don’t he tell the FUCKING BITCH to help him save money instead? When he’s feeling heaty or sick,he’ll tell me about it and he knew that he’ll have barley water. He sms me just now,saying his gum is more swollen,my heart pain cause i knew i can’t be by his side caring for him anymore. Although he kept saying that BITCH won’t be his girlfriend,she’s not fit but what he said and what she posted are totally different. Since he enjoyed her companion so much,why still allowed me to stay by his side? Since they are so happy together why don’t they start a relationship? BITCH already on so good terms with his friends,no wonder he don’t dare let me meet his friends. BITCH mentioned about couples,who and who,who and gf,she and dino… COUPLES??? What is this??? How i wished i never see those,although i’m mentally prepared that i’ll definitely see things i don’t like but i never expect that things are that worst… If he thought he can have the best of both worlds,he’s wrong. If he thought i’ll always be here for him like what i said before,he’s wrong too… Cause he’s the one who forced me to get out from his life,he’s the one who made me lost all trust in him. He thought i’m making up stories,he thought by saying these i can have excuse don’t meet him anymore. I wanted to show him what’s in BITCH’s blog,i feel that i have the rights to know why he kept lying to me,i wanted to know the truth. I don’t deserve all these from him,but why must he times and again lie to me? He’s addicted to lying le,especially to me… I’m really sick and tired of his lies,i hate to be entertain then followed by finding out the truth from BITCH’s blog. He knew i’ll read her blog but why he still wana lie? Only when he’s alone then will think of me,what am i exactly? His toy? Puppet? Or sex slave? I know i’m stupid,i know those who care will feel pain for me,but what else can i do? Everyone have their own lifes,i know i’ve to face it all by myself if not how am i going to stand up… I know very well that drinking won’t solve any problems but besides drinking what else can i do? I know my health’s not good but i still choose to drink to make it worst… If getting into a relationship now will solve the problem,i don’t mind giving it a try but i don’t wana hurt anybody,i don’t wana be unfair to the other party. I rather bear all the unhappiness myself,will i really be happy when i know he’s happy? I know i won’t… Love is selfish… Seeing your love one with a BITCH,will you be happy?

YongChun,this is for you… If you really think that she’s the one,let her be ba,stop deceiving your feelings for her anymore. A good gal is hard to come by,a person who’s really good to you is even harder to find. If she’s really the one for you,please let go of me,don’t drag me on anymore le,it hurts… I rather i’m the one suffering than see you suffering with me cause you’ll be busy with the both of us. Time heals,i don’t know when but its better than i’m still being dragged,will cause the wound to hurt even more. This is mental torture,i don’t know when i’ll have a serious break down,if you still care for me,as a friend,please do me this favour. Don’t hurt me anymore with your lies le,be frank with me about everything. Even if i really wana leave,let me leave you happily,let me leave bringing all our happy memories with me. Once i left you with our happy memories,you can start everything new with her le,what you have in you are happy memories of you and her,without me… …

10/08/2007 Friday

Boring afternoon… Start to get myself prepared for my movie at night,although i don’t know whether it’s right for me to go out with L anot but i still went ahead. He picked me up as soon as he finished work,headed down to PS. Watched "Bourne Ultimatum" at 12.30am… Infact before L picked me up i sms him,telling him i’ll be watching movie with someone he hated the most. This was the very first time he replied in a very sarcastic way asking me to enjoy and that he was with other gals not the BITCH. After the movie,L sent me home and we continued to sms each other then he asked me if i’m home cause he saw L. I find that L very suay lor,whenever after he fetched me he definitely saw YC on the road. The past 2 times already very good example le,haha… I told L that he seemed to have fate with him very much lor. He told me he really hated L and don’t like me to go out with him,but what’s the point of saying all these now,it’s too late le… He don’t have the rights to stop me from going out anymore. Haix… Stupid guy,know very well that he’s working hours different from his friends yet still want hang out with them till so ‘early’. And when he sleep,really a pig. 7am plus reached home sms me…

11/08/2007 Saturday

Haix… Woke him up,just in case his mum not at home to wake him. Followed by a call by my buddy,asking me go 97 at night cause 1 of our friend release le. Was still deciding on whether to go anot cause still waiting for Mr T’s reply,and finally when he called,so sad… That’s the reason why i love calling him ‘busy man’.  My dear xiao mei-mei,PeiYu,came over to my place to go Violette together,went to another pub with K then headed down to 97 to meet my buddy and friends since Mr T wasn’t free. Was quite fun,saw my long time friend E with his girlfriend and drank together. So long didn’t danced to techno music,SHIOKZ lor… Then haix… Stupid live band make me cry… Those songs,really super ‘tan-kup’,i missed those days… Those days when i was with all my loving brothers,those days when me and him together… After that some unhappy things happened which i don’t wana mention anymore. Just felt so bad that i made my da ke-ai waited so long for me,zhen shi dui bu qi wor… For the whole night,he didn’t sms me at all,instead i’m the one who sms him telling him he must be very happy cause i deserved what had happened at 97 earlier on,cause in his eyes i’m no longer the good gal SHADOW,i’m slowly getting back to what i used to be,i think ’siao sa’ is coming back to me le. He didn’t replied,i knew he must be enjoying with those BITCHES. And i also thanks him for changing me… Am i really happy with what i’m doing right now or what i did was just to make him angry??? Whatever it is,i know my dateline is getting nearer le,if i still don’t buck up,i won’t be able to see my dearest brother,William,on the day i celebrate my birthday liao wor. Hey bro,if you happen to read this,i want you to know that our friendship meant alot to me,hope you’ll talk to me soon…

09/08/2007 Thursday

It’s National Day… Happy Birthday Singapore!!! Woke up quite early though the night before sleep late,haix… Insomnia… Getting worst liao… Rot at home till 6plus then went for dinner with family,met my father’s shi-fu who helped to change my luck,must follow what he said wor… Alot of cannots,which i can’t do it leh… eg:no black or blue,less accessories cause silver and gold tends to curse me… wan-dan le,ze me ban??? Called up ZC to meet for coffee but as soon as he picked me up i suggested that we went K there for a drink. Stupid ZC left after a mug of beer,as K knew i love hard liquor,kept refilling Martell for me. Drank with him and his friend till 1plus then i went home. This time round when i knew that he’s doing so much things together with BITCH,i’m not angry but full of sarcasm when i sms him. He told me that BITCH is not fit to be his girlfriend wor,then who’s fit??? If she’s not fit,why they went movie,eat dinner together leh??? Anyway,none of my business… My da ke-ai is a very cute and fun guy,ha,don’t know how to describe too. Overall,will consider lah… Thanks for accompanying me these few days,my dear da ke-ai… Read liao don’t over happy till can’t sleep hor,keke… Why iszit my dear brother William Tan still won’t talk to me??? Even see me online also don’t bother,so sad lor… Haix…